Longing for paper
October 24th, 2006
Approx 12 noon.
I drink beer now, with my meals. Three months ago, the idea of beer at 12 in the monrning would make me sick.
This will end when I leave Europe,but it worries me.It worries me that I have changed. What I don’t realise is that not all change is constant. But even temporary change unnerves me. I lied when I said I’m not resistant to change anymore.
Seems like an awfully long time. Beer, you stretch time out much longer.(Stupid Smiley)
The walk past the cemetery upset me. Do all these people need to die? Am I being pretentious? Do I really care? I do really care. I do. For every single person that died in vain. I do. I care.
November 16th, 2007
The clouds begin at the horizon and end far behind my head. I am happiest on the road when the miles stretch before me. I’d love to be a touring artist. On the road singing songs that I write.
I cannot breathe in Europe. The weight of the past combined with the weight of the future crushes you. France is dotted with grave yards and memorials of the two world wars. After the first six, you lose all reverance. They just become markers for hundreds of unknown lives that died in a futile endeavor.
My thoughts ramble to fast to be recorded. I scramble at a few random ones in the hope of saving something from this fleeting life. I am not resistant to change anymore. I don’t welcome it, but I don’t resist it anymore. It’s becasue I am one of them. Home is not a physical place. It’s in your head The more mobile home remains, the lesser the pain. The lesser the longing and lord knows we could do with a little less longing in our lives.
Priorities change with time. Time, does not heal woulds, it just inflicts new ones so that older ones seem a lot less painful.
Music in my ears determine what happens inside my head. Signs in French whiz past us as we press onto Paris. France is flat. The horizon is below eye level.
Last night I hated to leave the warmth of the covers. I stumbled out anyway, packed and walked downstairs.
It’s a winding road, you don’t know where it goes, but you’re a driver and it’s upto you to either crash and burn at the next bend or skid safely to the next one.
December 17th, 2006
Currently listening to: Billy Joel, Scenes from an Italian Restaurent and Piano Man.
I fold away pieces of my life and tuck them into my suitcase. My books look forelornly at me, knowing they will be abandoned for a dress or a sweater because of the weight limit that Virgin Atlantic lumped me with.
I smile silently through my tears.
I shall never forget.